(scream it out) I won't let you down
by jinxed-lulu
Summary: Surrender has never been a part of who she is. Nor is it going to become so now. Tag to 4x09


**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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 **(scream it out) I won't let you down**

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" _Fear cannot take what you do not give it." —Christopher Coan_

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As the world turns blurry and black around Felicity, she instinctively knows there's more important thoughts to be had—like: _What's happening? Where am I hit?_ —yet she's unable to think about anything but Oliver. What else is new? But, seriously, why does this amazing man have to always witness the worst happening to the people he loves, while often suffering alone?

She can almost remember, as it's getting harder to focus her thoughts, one night after leaving Star (Starling) City when Oliver whispered what'd he'd seen after Ra's had shoved a sword through him. Oliver had seen those he'd loved most; viewed them all smiling at him, remembered them at their happiest in those final moments.

Felicity liked the sound of that. And she was going to get right on that, because she can feel her consciousness slipping. Only unlike her stubborn man, she was fighting _to live_. Felicity wanted to remember what she had to fight, to live, for. Maybe it was foolhardy but she liked to think her big old brain would remember these facts.

John Diggle is the best big brother she could have ever asked for. He's stood at her back since the moment she entered the Original Arrow Cave with a bloodied Hood. John knew when she and Oliver began loving each other, _long before_ either of them did. His calm and steady advice never once led her wrong. In her mind, she pictures him after the birth of his daughter, smile soft and brown eyes saying more than words ever would.

Her mother, Donna Smoak. Felicity is both saddened and entirely grateful that in the past year she's seen her mom more than she has in _years_. This amazing woman who never backed down from heartbreak, nor shied away from the struggles of being a single mother, was one of the strongest people she knew. Also very people smart; only knowing Oliver for minutes and knew the score between them. Suddenly her mom and Captain Lance no longer feels weird—Donna deserves something good. Felicity remembers her mom's excited squeal on finding the ring and her childish joy at watching her daughter get engaged.

Thea Queen was a good surprise in her life during Oliver's last 'death'. A young woman who looks adorable enough you want to coddle her, but has steel in her spine. It had been an honor to know her and love her. A proud beaming smile as she watches her beloved big brother continue to enjoy happiness.

Friendship comes easier than expected with Laurel Lance. She was a woman who understood her struggles and pain when Felicity truly needed her. It makes her proud to have been there from the start of Laurel's reign as the Black Canary. Smiling in the latest Arrow Cave, looking finally content in her life.

Then comes Oliver—the man she had slowly come to love, a hero she admires. Loving him was _never_ easy but it hasn't been hard either. For so long now this man has been the best thing in her life; he too has become a light for _her_ life. He's a man that's much more than he seems, stronger than he'll probably ever know and when Oliver is fighting for a future vs to live another day he becomes so much more. And Oliver Queen in truly in love is much gentler and sweeter than Felicity could have ever imagined. He is her _life_ , he is her _light_.

A man she proudly stands beside. Makes her profoundly excited to one day call him husband. Overjoyed to know he'll one day be the father of her children, of which she hopes is many. There are almost too many memories of Oliver that Felicity cherishes, but for this, she thinks of him down on one knee asking her to marry him and his impossible smile and bright blue eyes when she said _yes_.

So, no. Felicity Smoak cannot die yet. She's yet to become Mrs. Queen; to return the company back to the Queen name; have tons of gorgeous blue eyed babies; watch her mom find love again and smother her own children as the best nana ever; see how her self-made family has grown.

She's going to tell fear to get lost, because it has _no rights_ here.

Then when Felicity wakes up (because she _will_ ) she's going to take any and all of Oliver's mother henning—because she knows it comes from his terror and need to keep her close. To protect her in the only way he possibly can. She will also accept the more than likely double team that'll happen when he joins forces with her mom, because Donna Smoak is the best and most loving mom in the word. She will even humor them within reason.

Surrender has never been a part of who she is. Nor is it going to become so now.

Felicity goes gently into the darkness with a tiny smile—secure in the knowledge that Oliver will save them and that she's going to survive.

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 **[End]**


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